Finding fertility support

Nili, VP social sustainability, and Graham, maintenance specialist P&O production – North Sea – are both members of bp’s Fertility in the Workplace (FiTW) employee network. We chat with them about the group and how they’ve been supported at bp, as well as by colleagues and line managers, during their fertility journey.

What led you to join bp’s FiTW network? 

Nili:

My partner and I were struggling with recurrent miscarriages while trying to start our family. As I started to open up about this at work, I realised that this situation affected many more people than I expected. And yet no one talked about it. So with the help of some colleagues, I started the FiTW network. This was a way to bring people together who had been or were currently affected by fertility-related challenges for mutual support and to try to improve policies and benefits. And it worked!

Graham:

I really struggled with the enormity of the fertility journey my wife and I were embarking on. I wanted to reach out to get support from people who had real life first-hand experience and who weren’t from a medical background, as there is very little support for men in this area. I have been part of the FITW BRG group for two years and I really enjoyed helping others going through their own fertility journey.

How has bp supported you during the time you’ve been trying to start a family?

Nili:

I have been so grateful for the empathy, understanding and active support of several line managers, who went above and beyond, and an amazing group of colleagues. And I also felt supported when we advocated for more fertility support through the FiTW network. Senior management responded positively and agreed to provide funding towards fertility assistance treatment through private medical insurance. We were also able to update some key policies and guidance to enable colleagues to take time off for pregnancy loss, IVF and surrogacy and adoption appointments.

Graham:

My line manager was amazing throughout my fertility journey. He knew exactly what to say and do at every point when I needed support. He made my work a safe and happy place when my personal life was upside down. Also, a big shout out to the FITW network. The colleagues there are amazing. They provided great help and support when I really needed it the most.

How have bp’s UK benefits helped you?

Nili:

Access to bp’s Employee Assistance Programme support and later to counselling through private medical proved highly valuable in talking about what I was going through – recurrent miscarriages and later IVF. It can be a very traumatic experience and talking to a trained professional who is independent and can help you cope was extremely helpful. Later, bp’s occupational health team were also extremely supportive with making adjustments to my work schedule and location during Covid when I had a successful but high-risk pregnancy that I carried to term.

Graham:

I used my two time out days when I needed to support my wife during specialist doctor’s appointments. I also used part of my wellbeing allowance to purchase specialist alternative treatments for my wife and I such as massage therapy and acupuncture treatments.

Where are you in your fertility journey now?

Nili:

My husband and I finally have our wonderful daughter, who is almost three years old, after a seven-year journey. We are so grateful and lucky to have our little family. I feel fortunate to have had such a supportive employer, line managers and colleagues on my fertility journey.

Graham:

Our fertility journey took three years. Now we now have a beautiful six-month-old wee boy called Ralph.

What one piece of advice would you give anyone at work going through fertility issues?

Nili:

Please remember that you are not alone. There are so many couples that go through challenges when trying to have a family. It can be hard at first to open up, but that’s what enabled me to keep trying and finally have my daughter. Through the FiTW network I received support from colleagues who had been through similar experiences and was able to help others. You’d be surprised with how many people you know that might have had similar challenges in their lives.

Graham:

According to the World Health Organisation, fertility impacts one in six couples. Don’t suffer in silence just because it may be a taboo topic to talk about. If you join bp, the help is here and everyone including myself who is part of the bp FITW BRG want to support. Don’t give up!